Moving Forward

After four and half years working as a senior trainer for a call center, I turned in my resignation letter in the hope of finding opportunities to "expand my horizons." A similar position, yes, but with a fresh new perspective in a different environment.

I stayed with this company long after my friends took off to find better career opportunities for themselves. Not the type to join in the bandwagon, I waited it out until I could find a reason far more compelling than shallow discontent with the status quo.

I was not really happy about having to leave the possibilities of accomplishing many great things for the company. It wasn't about compensation concerns or the people I was working with. I felt that it was the right time to go, period.

And just as I thought there were not enough friends left at work at to email my goodbye to, I suddenly recalled the people I had brief yet meaningful interactions with: other fellow trainers, HR staff, or co-workers from operations. I realized after all, that even though my closest colleagues had been long gone I still was able to make acquaintances that had the potential to evolve into nurturing friendships.

Some four and a half great years conclude another chapter of my professional life.

My Love Life in Verses

En route to Memory Lane I took a different path by deciding to unearth old poems that I wrote many ages ago. Me? A poet? I have never shared, much less publish, any of my works until now. Like any beginning poet, I started penning poems of love, describing every ache and longing of my adolescent heart. Each was written about a specific person in mind, so in a sense, posting them is like broadcasting a big secret. No, I did not write about the SAME person---even at a young age I manage to move on.

So here are my estimations of LOVE. Some lines are so mushy they can be downright corny...but then, what normal 11-year old girl wouldn't think falling in love as important as life itself, whose daydreams of seeking the one true love were fueled by romance paperbacks? After all, my first love poem was composed a good 15 years before I got married.

Close To My Heart
(1985)

I knew you were just a friend
Who merely cared for me a lot;
When I realized that you’re more than that ---
That you’re a person who has something special in you.

I tried so hard to hide what I truly feel
When I became aware of falling for you;
Thinking of you made you feel closer
All the while I had this feeling of guilt and frustration.

I remember seeing the gentleness in your eyes
Or having the feel of warmth and comfort in your touch;
The smile on your lips seemed so honest
Having the assurance I can only find in you.

Ever since I met you I’ve been this way
Although I can never admit my true feelings about you;
Still, somehow, you’ve become a part of me
A person close to my heart.

Who can forget the first sting of betrayal? At 14, the issue of boy-finding-someone-else was no less than a catastrophe. Nothing puts words into paper faster than the raging of emotions. Two hours, that's how long (I remember) it took me to complete the next one.

(1988)

What else is there to feel for someone
Guilty of lying and compromise?
Regard him an enemy, spare no consideration
A traitor who hides beneath a disguise.

Look at me now! A woman in dismay
Embittered by scorn and resentment;
I find myself lost in this insanity
Who else is to blame but you?

Trembling in the intensity of my emotions
My heart hammers wildly in tempestuous rage;
My eyes are blinded with tears of anger
My hands are clenched with promise for revenge.

Do you think I’ll succumb to your hard blow?
Or yield to sadness and despair?
It is you who is the fool, for erring so gravely
Not hurting my feelings, but wounding my pride.

My yearning won’t cease for one last battle
Only rest will come on that long-awaited day;
To my delight I will see my deceiver
Down on his knees, crying, admitting…defeat.

Sometimes, we find ourselves the object of Fate's humor when love turns up in unexpected circumstances. In my case, it was hard to define the terms of a relationship whenever I ended up falling for my (male) best friend.

(1988)

I braved to count the ages
And waited for The One to come by
But there you stood plainly before me ---
Why you?

We were friends, but through
Prejudice we’ve also known enmity;
Though we are contenders, somehow I’ve lost
Why you?

I find myself drawn inevitably to you
The reasons I know nothing of;
The dawning truth awakens me ---
Why you?

To think that you have eyes for someone else
In your heart will I ever stand a place?
I cannot help but ask myself
Why you?

I spend evenings alone and thinking;
Such helpless dreaming wouldn’t cease;
The question keeps haunting me…
Why you?

Yes, I long for warm affection
Wish I’d feel the strength of love’s embrace
And hope to know the One in whose heart I belong but ---
Why YOU?

Vanishing Sights

Having lived all my life in the big city, I am accustomed (sadly) to seeing the dreariness of grimy concrete and clouds of toxic fumes. Whenever I can, I always retreat to places for a drastic change of scenery, towards places that abound with the lush green and clear blue of Mother Nature.

Right after Christmas Day, instead of hustling through crowded malls and gawking at garishly lighted window displays, I spent a few days with family in my father's hometown in San Juan, Ilocos Sur.

To a city dweller, uncommon sights of cattle grazing in the field with the brownish-greenish mountains in the backgroup can be found at the end of hours-long taxing trips.




How many of you would ever know what it's like to sit on a carabao? At least my daughter and my nephew now have stories to tell about how much more fun it is to ride a carabao-drawn sled and how shocking it is to watch a gigantic blob of animal waste drop to the ground along the ride.



The afternoon on the countryside was sidelighted by strolling through a corn field, trying to pet a baby goat before realizing that its mother was just close by, and picking up red onion bulbs from a stack laid to dry on the ground.